Warning: this post contains the word “breast” but only in conjunction with “milk” 

I know that all mothers are working mothers but the verbal gymnastics to rewrite the title are beyond me today. Have I mentioned that I have an almost 3 year old and I work full time? Sometimes my memory/creativity fails me. In any case, it’s been two years since my 51 weeks at home with Reid came to an end.

I’m so lucky that I live in Canada, where the combination of maternity and parental leave benefits allow for a parent to stay at home for a year. I’m especially grateful that my employer topped up my benefits so that our family didn’t suffer financially when I stayed home.

I wish that I could say that I’m also lucky that I live in a country with full and easy access to childcare. That would be a lie. I *am* lucky that we were able to find a good daycare spot for Reid but many others are not so fortunate. Dani over at Postcards from the Mothership is eloquent in her descriptions of the [1] troubles that she has had finding good childcare. And she lives and works in the same city as me. Never mind what it’s like to be in a rural or remote area or in a small town.

The first months after I returned to work, I benefitted from a double-electric breast pump and a closed office and so was able to continue to provide Reid milk with “mama milk’ for daycare. I didn’t imagine when I went on mat leave that I would want to pump for a one year old. Shocking behaviour, that! But it did turn out to be important for our family and I’m glad I could do so. I can’t imagine having to return to work and leave a 6 week old. I’m not sure I’d really mastered nursing by then and that was okay. I’m positive that my hormones were still all over the place then. Even a year later, my heart was breaking to leave Reid.

I have to admit that I was ready to go back to work, though. Reid is much more social than I am and needed to mix with other kids. I needed to get back to discussions with other adults that didn’t involve sleeping habits or diapers. (I could never figure out how women who had previously had careers could talk only about baby matters at play groups. Thank goodness for Melissa and my work friends.)

My dream was - and remains - a four day week but that hasn’t happened yet. Within two months of returning to work, I was acting for my boss and working long hours. Ken would bring Reid to the office so that I could nurse her and eat supper with her. What a good father and husband he is. It was a good learning experience. I got work experience that will serve me well if I seek a promotion. I learned about myself, too; I don’t want a promotion at the cost of being around for Reid. I think that when I returned to work I still thought I could have my cake and eat it, too. Those months as a director showed me that I can’t, or at least not in a communications group. It helped me to decide to take a new job writing policy that lets me have more of a life-work balance. When I look at others getting a promotion, I have to remember that stressful time when I barely saw my precious girl. So, I’m on the mommy track. It’s a good track, it’s working for me and my family and that’s what counts.

And you? Do you keep track of your return to work anniversary or celebrate your decision not to return to work each year?