July 25, 2007 by Barbara.

I read in a magazine a while ago that I should celebrate my friends on their momversaries because it is a big deal to become a mother. I’m pretty sure that I tool that to heart and called my niece, Melissa. At the very least, I meant to call her.

This year, though, I want to mark Ken’s dadversary. Maybe I wouldn’t need to do this if I’d written a worthy tribute to him on Father’s Day but instead, I took Reid to the Ontario Science Centre and the Toronto Zoo.

Ken is great dad. His style of interacting with Reid is very different from mine but we share most of the same key values. Ken is far more likely to be on the floor playing with or being climbed on by Reid. I’m sure Reid would say he is more fun. Ken isn’t all rough and tumble, though. He’ll read book after book, even the ones that he thinks are causing a sort of slow lobotomy.

He also snuggles with Reid to watch Toopy and Binoo, Roly Poly Olie or whatever is the current fascination - and what’s more, he remembers to record new episodes just at the point that I think I’ll go nutty if I have to hear a particular episode one more time. And “hear” is the right verb, I usually succumb to the tempatation to read or tidy up or something while Reid is watching a program. Ken simply sits with her. He knows what is happening in the program and is prepared to discuss it. Reid has many questions and comments when she watches a show, whether it;s the first or 31st time.  Sometimes he can only say, “I don’t know, Reid, I haven’t seen it before either,” but he is in the room and in the moment. That’s a lesson that I’m trying to learn from him.

Ken and Reid go to play at the park and leave me behind to be alone (a true blessing when you’re a mama and work full-time) or to make supper or clean (still good, since I can put on my iPod and focus on what needs to be done). They also have museums that the go to without me most of the time. Remember when I was in Toronto and confessed that I didn’t like science museums, well, Reid and Ken do. The Nature Museum, Canada Aviation Museum and the Museum of Science and Technology are mainly their domain. Reid would tell you that the Nature Museum is the dinosaur museum and “hers” while the latter two are daddy’s museums.  Ken’s patience is demonstrated in these museums as well. I coach myself to be patient and let Reid explore at her own pace but I think that he actually does it.

Lately, Ken has been getting up early so that he can have breakfast with Reid before they leave in the morning. Often I come downstairs to hear them chatting or laughing. I see Reid mooching Ken’s oatmeal. She likes the taste of the cinnamon and raisin packaged oatmeal but not the raisins themselves. He doesn’t complain when he is left with a pile of raisins and some chilly oatmeal, though he has been known to remark on the situation.

Ken is always with us at bedtime even though I nurse Reid to sleep. He. waits (more or less) patiently as she winds down and then reads her a story or two.  After a kiss and a hug, he shuts out the light and leaves us but not before telling Reid he loves her and good night. Reid says, “I love you. Dood night, Bye-bye” and a wave. On the good nights, she allows breaks between the words. Often she whispers, “I love you, Daddy.” if he has said “I love you.” just as he shuts the door. And you may remember that Reid cries when Ken isn’t there at bedtime.

Ken’s life has changed a lot since Reid came but he remains my best friend. We don’t have as much time to talk about anything and everything as we once did but we still have lots to talk about. He is a deep thinker and that European history that he learned has given him quite a perspective on things. (So says the one who focused on Canadian history and has only an M.A., not that the topic ever comes up ;+) Ken is compassionate and irreverant, quiet and loving. Reid is lucky to have such a man for her father and I’m grateful to have him beside me in the trenches of parenthood.