I’m not the one who coined the phrase but I do believe that weaning is a 4 letter word. I think that it is the sort of word that shouldn’t be used in public and especially not in front of children. Before I had a child I admit that I thought breastfeeding was natural and right but it should end by a certain point. I listened and nodded when people said that if a child could ask to nurse or lift a shirt then they were too old to still be nursing. When we had trouble at first, I was too busy fighting to learn what I needed to do to feed my baby to plan for weaning. As time went on, I nursed on demand and trusted in my baby and myself to figure out what was needed next. At a year, Reid still needed to nurse and I went back to work. I continued to nurse when we were together and ignored the dictate from her daycare teachers to stop nursing during the day when we were together. It would make Reid’s day easier, they said. I tried for a while but I couldn’t figure out how Reid could understand why I denied her the comfort that she needed when I could offer it. At that point, I realized that I wouldn’t be weaning Reid because that would be a unilateral betrayal of us as a nursing pair.
At three, Reid doesn’t nurse nearly so much as she did as a newborn, of course, nor even as much as she did as a toddler. She nurses just as much as she needs, more when she is sick, and always at bedtime and when she first wakes. She has talked about being too big for “milkies” but has always changed her mind. I tell her that it will be her decision but I know I will be sad when she nurses for the last time.
I believe that wean is a word for people who don’t trust in the nursing pair. Children must be weaned or they will be spoiled. They will be dependent and they will not be normal. Never mind the centuries of humans nursing when and as needed as long as they need. We need to trust ourselves and our children. We don’t need to pick an arbitrary date or occasion to stop trusting and start weaning.
I wrote this post as part of the October Carnival of Breastfeeding hosted by the Motherwear Breastfeeding blog.
Before I had children, I also thought that if a child could ask for a feed they were too old. Since my daughter was born 8 months ago, I have been following her lead in how often she wants to feed.
It seems only natural to me now that I will also follow her lead in allowing her to feed for as long as she would like.
I like your title that wean is a four letter word. I will be sharing this with others when talking about nursing toddlers and ‘weaning’. Thanks for the post.
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