My militant girl

April 5, 2008 by Barbara.

Reid has been reporting that a couple of boys at daycare, I and C, have been telling her that certain things she likes are for boys only. She is happy with the Thomas the Tank Engine-shaped gel pack that we bought at Target at Easter and has used it a couple of times for minor scrapes. Reid must talked about it at daycare because she told us that C said that girls couldn’t have trains; trains were only for boys. We told her that was plainly wrong since she *did* have a train set and the Thomas ice pack. Another day, Reid reported that I and C had told her that girls couldn’t watch Diego because Diego is for boys. Again we told her that it was a silly thing to say. Reid seemed like it bugged her to be told but she wasn’t particularly bothered.

I mentioned all this to C, one of Reid’s teachers, Thursday night while Reid was using the bathroom. C hadn’t heard the conversations and said that she would have addressed them if she had. I knew that; C is a person who speaks truth to tyrants, errm, I mean preschoolers. She said something to the effect that the kids come by the attitudes “honestly” and described a conversation between I and his mom. He said that he wanted a soft Dora doll like Reid has in her cubby and was told, “Dora is for girls.” I suggested maybe other parents would complain if she talked about boys playing with dolls and girls playing with trains. We both laughed. I wonder, though, if that is simply culturally insensitive. Where does my right to have my daughter cared for in an environment free from discrimination based on gender end and someone else’s right to have their child cared for in an environment that reflects their cultural values begin.

When it was time for Reid to choose what to bring for show and tell, it was clear where her mind was. She said that wanted to take her Thomas patch and a Diego video in a righteous voice that suggested the choices were open to discussion. I reminded her that she had to choose only one item and she picked the Diego video.

It’s a pity that Reid doesn’t wear a bra because it would be good day for a bra burning. I, for one, appreciated the irony of her choice of tops - a pink shirt with the words “Every Princess needs …” at the bottom and a satin applique dress, tiara, high heels, gloves and that sort of thing arranged around it.  Seriously, though, I am so pleased that Reid was matter-of-fact about standing up for what is important to her (not like her name, which apparently isn’t so critical to her). My job now is to nurture this strength until Reid is through her school days, the days of mean girls and highschool, and leaving home, and getting married, having kids …

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